Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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