I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
