You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
