He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He passed out mid-signature
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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