I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
