when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
