The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
