I can tuck mytits in my pants
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
