Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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