Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
