So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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