There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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