Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
