Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
