i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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