Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
