Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
