So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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