dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
