god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I stole a fireplace last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
