Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
