So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
