In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
