If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
