rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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