Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
