Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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