i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
