Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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