literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
