he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize