I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
