Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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