My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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