In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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