i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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