if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
