There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
