If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I supernannyed him into submission
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
