I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
