I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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