My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
