They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
