I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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