Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
