Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
