I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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