my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
