Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
