I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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