i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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