At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
