It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
