Just fell off a train. Bad.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
